Life is funny. And so is God. Often it is easy to lose faith in God, based on your experience, fears and insecurity. But, it is in precisely those moments when we must look at God and realize that God loves us more than we can fathom, and all that crosses us, is through God´s Hand and Will.
You see, I have thought of many things while I have been here. I have seen things which cause me to question God, and I have experienced things which have made me appreciate the love and presence of God in the world.
Right now, I don´t really know what I want to write, but rather, I want to share the very rough and humbling thoughts I have in my head and heart right now.
I am no longer planning on playing soccer professionally. There is too much to do in the world. And aside from that, I know soccer would not give me the ultimate joy I seek. That joy is reserved for my family, current and future, and my continuous effort to bring justice and breed love in the world. Soccer would not do it. No, I need to be more active in me work. My call is not to play soccer as much as I enjoy it. My call is to be with a family and to write and study and act.
It will never be enough for me to just think of theories, and it will not be enough to just act. I need both, and more importantly, I need to speak to share with others. To create a like feeling in others. Rather, to help others find that piece within them that shows them they are undeniably connected to God and to others. To help all recognize the great gift that they are which we forget in moments of loneliness and sadness and to know that whatever it is, if it is in your heart, than it is in the Heart of God and is, as a result, a beautiful and necessary thing for the world.
I mean that is what this life is about. Being true to your heart and enjoying the beauty that God has placed as a gift for you. And knowing it is a gift, living without fear of sharing it. With that said, to remember too that God is caring for us. Regardless of religion or belief, God is caring for us and so we must trust God for God will not steer us wrong. We cannot control the world around us, but we can know that God can and does. Not all suffering is connected to God´s direct involvement, but God´s hand is guiding us in all times so that we may overcome that which we fear. So until the end, we must live and share.
Peace amigos and Merry Christmas! I love you and am missing you.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Four Levels of Involvement
Hello hello! How are you? Well, I have a couple of thoughts right now, and they are young so there is room for them to grow and your input would be greatly appreciated.
But first, I would like to thank all of you again for reading. More importantly though, I want to thank you for your kind words, your love, your care, your support and your wisdom. It really is nourishing to know that I am making people proud and happy. So thank you for your love.
Now, I was talking to my work partner Christine the other day and we were talking about how involved people get in the world. I thought of it more and he are my thoughts.
I, as noted, by your experience with me or your reading this blog, am a person that believes that in any situation you are either an oppressor or the oppressed. Neutrality is inevitably a place for the oppressor because it continues the status quo, which in turn, inevitably creates oppression. Not until oppression is eliminated will neutrality cease to be oppressive. Now, that is not to say the oppressed should go ¨crazy¨and violently oppress the oppressors, but rather it means we must be deliberate in our actions. We must choose to fight against oppression. Whether it is speaking up when we hear a racial slur, or where we choose to put our money, or how we treat those around us, we must fight (again this does not mean violently) against oppression.
One of the problems though is that many people, myself included, do not take note when they are oppressing others. Of course, so forms are more detrimental than others, but we inadvertently oppress at times. This does not inherently make us bad people, but rather creates the opportunity for learning, growth, change and justice. One more thing, is that this fight against oppression must be rooted in love.
But how do we act in love, especially if we are not aware that we oppress at times? Well, obviously, there is not just one answer or action which we can turn to in order to act with love. One thing we can look to however, is our level of involvement in the world around us.
We are human beings, which means we are social and historical beings. It also means, while reason is a large piece of our action, emotion determines much of what we do as well. Our emotion is often the combined result of our experience, our expectations, our education, and a number of other factors. What I have found a result to be then is four levels of involvement. Apathy, Perifery, Mid-Involvement, and Immediate. (These names are things I´m thinking of at the moment, just to make it easier to understand, they should probably be renamed).
Apathy/Disinterest: This is the first level of involvement. We hear of an issue, a situation or event and we either pay no attention to it, or the attention we do pay to it, we shurg off. We very quickly, within minutes if not seconds go back to our lives, in our own world. Something very individualistic that we all do, myself included.
Perifery: This is the second level of involvement. We hear of a situation and we are moved by it, if not greatly, at least momentarily. We hear of an event, a natural disaster possibly or a tragedy in the city we live, and maybe we donate money, or talk about it with others. We want to do something, but we still keep the event at a distance.
Mid-Involvement: This is the third level. In this piece someone very close to us has been affected by something. Maybe it is a drunk driving accident and a close friend is injured to which we then take an active measure to stop drunk driving. Or the hurricane finally devistates our own friends and we begin to not just donate supplies, but also campaign for donations. We prepare and help others prepare when the next occurs, and regardless of location, at home or abroad, we help in the efforts to create safety and good health, dignity in the lives of those affected.
Immediate: Finally, this is the four level of involvemet. This is when the situation or event either happens to us or our immediate family. We are deeply taken, moved, hurt by the event. Its proximity to us changes us forever. We are now active in what it means to combat said event, say cancer resulting from cigarette use for example. Or another example would be family members who are connected to the unjust wages abroad and at home, which translate into low prices for consumers. Often times, when this stage is reached, I think people say ¨I never thought this could happen to me.¨ If the conversion and experience is genuine, I think this degree of involvement, for said situation, remains a lifetime, if not passed on through immediate generations.
If you notice, the levels grow in care for the greater community, while they impact more personally. Obviously, none of what I have said is new, I know people know this, but I like defining it to then reflect on it more. But level four for example, creates the opportunity to understand a great interconnectedness in the world. This is also connected to a vulnerability. Globalization is bringing products and services to the elite of the world, myself included, but our awareness of the world much more widely understood today because of globalization, must also be an avenue in which we can care for others and not just benefit from them.
Now, I by no means am saying that a person cannot be actively involved in creating justice without reaching this fourth level. In fact, there are no absolutes in this world. Those things that are most constant and life giving, are, I believe, related to God, which is love. So of course, some of us are actively involved without ever being closely impacted, but I think these four levels of involvement are a good preliminary benchmark for how people interact with the world. Again, the deeper we get in involvement, the greater force of love we have driving us. Love and care for the world. The trick then, is to get to this level four, hopefully without getting too hurt, and staying there.
And we can get to this fourth level, this immediate involvement in the world, without having a directly personal experience. But let us warn ourselves that it is an initially EXHAUSTING undertaking. Not so much to get to this fourth level of involvement, but to act on it. You see, we can be told something or see it, and sometimes, we will be genuinely moved to conversion (this often happens with religions), but is the continuous effort to act on it that is difficult, especially for the elite in the world such as ourselves.
Now, let me clarify something so that I do not sound contradictary. Typically to get to the fourth level of involvement we must have the personal experience mentioned. But that personal experience acts as a catalyst to a universal love (again, often shared if not preached by those who are truly faithful to their life-giving religion). Universal, agape, love. Care for the world and for its justice and the dignity of its people, as a priority over self interest and ¨survival¨ is what drives all action. While I think the fourth level creates a universal love, I do not think that you necessarily need the fourth level to have a universal and genuine love. Make sense?
I hope I am not losing you, but I am starting to lose myself, so I will wrap up. Again, all of this needs a lot of work. BUT! When we have a universal, agape, genuine love, when we become immediately involved (which is often the result of a personal experience), it is then that we can change the world and fight this oppression.
For us, and for all, it means deliberate action. It means divesting money from companies that use unfair labor. It means the wealthy do not by second homes, much less purchase affordable housing. It even means, not buying clothes from salvation army for example when you can afford other things (I am guilty of this one too). It means a radical financial re-investment in the world, so that 5% of the world´s population (the U.S.) does not control over 50% of the world´s wealth. It means keeping opportunities and options avaiable for the poor. It means taking an active role in forming some sort of relationship with political representatives and Congresspeople so that influence can be made on decisions (after all, friendship is the greatest convertor, and friendship of course, is rooted in love, we seem to be encountering a common thread here). It means to not take more than we need esepcially when there is a limited supply. It means to give from our reserves and not just our abundance.
It is hard, and I cannot do it. I fall victim to the luxaries that I have grown up with and cannot depart from currently. For example, I throughly enjoy movies. Here they are really cheap. I will buy some. You could argue it either way. One is I am buying from the salvation army here when I could buy at a movie store in the States, and I am taking away from those here. You could also say, there is no unjust labor in these DVD stores and I am just contributing to the economy. You could also argue that the money saved on buying the movies as oppossed to in the States here can later be donated to some other cause. You could also argue I do not need the movies to be happy, which is true. But like most things in life we are attached to, it is not healthy nor realistic to stop using them all at once (nor are all attachments life-taking), but we should do our best to detach ourselves where possible, whilst still being present and living with love.
Sometimes we need things to be present. If we wanted a soda for example, and we were thinking all day how much we wanted that soda and not paying attention to the world around us, then we should just get the soda, and start living. But, as mentioned, we must do our best to indulge ourselves in the things that are universal in this world, such as the company of one another.
You see how tiring it is to take action and be deliberate. It is just tiring to read this and think of it let alone act on it. It is hard but it is a task worth embarking on, and when it is rooted in love, it will be fruitful for all in the world.
And finally, and most importantly, while it is good to think and reflect, we must act. We need to live. And as a good friend told me once, ¨the greatest form of resistance is to celebrate life in every moment.¨
Thanks for reading, if you have thoughts on how to refine these words, let me know please. I am sending my love and prayers and thoughts and hoping to receive your airconditioning because it is HOT here. Paz!
But first, I would like to thank all of you again for reading. More importantly though, I want to thank you for your kind words, your love, your care, your support and your wisdom. It really is nourishing to know that I am making people proud and happy. So thank you for your love.
Now, I was talking to my work partner Christine the other day and we were talking about how involved people get in the world. I thought of it more and he are my thoughts.
I, as noted, by your experience with me or your reading this blog, am a person that believes that in any situation you are either an oppressor or the oppressed. Neutrality is inevitably a place for the oppressor because it continues the status quo, which in turn, inevitably creates oppression. Not until oppression is eliminated will neutrality cease to be oppressive. Now, that is not to say the oppressed should go ¨crazy¨and violently oppress the oppressors, but rather it means we must be deliberate in our actions. We must choose to fight against oppression. Whether it is speaking up when we hear a racial slur, or where we choose to put our money, or how we treat those around us, we must fight (again this does not mean violently) against oppression.
One of the problems though is that many people, myself included, do not take note when they are oppressing others. Of course, so forms are more detrimental than others, but we inadvertently oppress at times. This does not inherently make us bad people, but rather creates the opportunity for learning, growth, change and justice. One more thing, is that this fight against oppression must be rooted in love.
But how do we act in love, especially if we are not aware that we oppress at times? Well, obviously, there is not just one answer or action which we can turn to in order to act with love. One thing we can look to however, is our level of involvement in the world around us.
We are human beings, which means we are social and historical beings. It also means, while reason is a large piece of our action, emotion determines much of what we do as well. Our emotion is often the combined result of our experience, our expectations, our education, and a number of other factors. What I have found a result to be then is four levels of involvement. Apathy, Perifery, Mid-Involvement, and Immediate. (These names are things I´m thinking of at the moment, just to make it easier to understand, they should probably be renamed).
Apathy/Disinterest: This is the first level of involvement. We hear of an issue, a situation or event and we either pay no attention to it, or the attention we do pay to it, we shurg off. We very quickly, within minutes if not seconds go back to our lives, in our own world. Something very individualistic that we all do, myself included.
Perifery: This is the second level of involvement. We hear of a situation and we are moved by it, if not greatly, at least momentarily. We hear of an event, a natural disaster possibly or a tragedy in the city we live, and maybe we donate money, or talk about it with others. We want to do something, but we still keep the event at a distance.
Mid-Involvement: This is the third level. In this piece someone very close to us has been affected by something. Maybe it is a drunk driving accident and a close friend is injured to which we then take an active measure to stop drunk driving. Or the hurricane finally devistates our own friends and we begin to not just donate supplies, but also campaign for donations. We prepare and help others prepare when the next occurs, and regardless of location, at home or abroad, we help in the efforts to create safety and good health, dignity in the lives of those affected.
Immediate: Finally, this is the four level of involvemet. This is when the situation or event either happens to us or our immediate family. We are deeply taken, moved, hurt by the event. Its proximity to us changes us forever. We are now active in what it means to combat said event, say cancer resulting from cigarette use for example. Or another example would be family members who are connected to the unjust wages abroad and at home, which translate into low prices for consumers. Often times, when this stage is reached, I think people say ¨I never thought this could happen to me.¨ If the conversion and experience is genuine, I think this degree of involvement, for said situation, remains a lifetime, if not passed on through immediate generations.
If you notice, the levels grow in care for the greater community, while they impact more personally. Obviously, none of what I have said is new, I know people know this, but I like defining it to then reflect on it more. But level four for example, creates the opportunity to understand a great interconnectedness in the world. This is also connected to a vulnerability. Globalization is bringing products and services to the elite of the world, myself included, but our awareness of the world much more widely understood today because of globalization, must also be an avenue in which we can care for others and not just benefit from them.
Now, I by no means am saying that a person cannot be actively involved in creating justice without reaching this fourth level. In fact, there are no absolutes in this world. Those things that are most constant and life giving, are, I believe, related to God, which is love. So of course, some of us are actively involved without ever being closely impacted, but I think these four levels of involvement are a good preliminary benchmark for how people interact with the world. Again, the deeper we get in involvement, the greater force of love we have driving us. Love and care for the world. The trick then, is to get to this level four, hopefully without getting too hurt, and staying there.
And we can get to this fourth level, this immediate involvement in the world, without having a directly personal experience. But let us warn ourselves that it is an initially EXHAUSTING undertaking. Not so much to get to this fourth level of involvement, but to act on it. You see, we can be told something or see it, and sometimes, we will be genuinely moved to conversion (this often happens with religions), but is the continuous effort to act on it that is difficult, especially for the elite in the world such as ourselves.
Now, let me clarify something so that I do not sound contradictary. Typically to get to the fourth level of involvement we must have the personal experience mentioned. But that personal experience acts as a catalyst to a universal love (again, often shared if not preached by those who are truly faithful to their life-giving religion). Universal, agape, love. Care for the world and for its justice and the dignity of its people, as a priority over self interest and ¨survival¨ is what drives all action. While I think the fourth level creates a universal love, I do not think that you necessarily need the fourth level to have a universal and genuine love. Make sense?
I hope I am not losing you, but I am starting to lose myself, so I will wrap up. Again, all of this needs a lot of work. BUT! When we have a universal, agape, genuine love, when we become immediately involved (which is often the result of a personal experience), it is then that we can change the world and fight this oppression.
For us, and for all, it means deliberate action. It means divesting money from companies that use unfair labor. It means the wealthy do not by second homes, much less purchase affordable housing. It even means, not buying clothes from salvation army for example when you can afford other things (I am guilty of this one too). It means a radical financial re-investment in the world, so that 5% of the world´s population (the U.S.) does not control over 50% of the world´s wealth. It means keeping opportunities and options avaiable for the poor. It means taking an active role in forming some sort of relationship with political representatives and Congresspeople so that influence can be made on decisions (after all, friendship is the greatest convertor, and friendship of course, is rooted in love, we seem to be encountering a common thread here). It means to not take more than we need esepcially when there is a limited supply. It means to give from our reserves and not just our abundance.
It is hard, and I cannot do it. I fall victim to the luxaries that I have grown up with and cannot depart from currently. For example, I throughly enjoy movies. Here they are really cheap. I will buy some. You could argue it either way. One is I am buying from the salvation army here when I could buy at a movie store in the States, and I am taking away from those here. You could also say, there is no unjust labor in these DVD stores and I am just contributing to the economy. You could also argue that the money saved on buying the movies as oppossed to in the States here can later be donated to some other cause. You could also argue I do not need the movies to be happy, which is true. But like most things in life we are attached to, it is not healthy nor realistic to stop using them all at once (nor are all attachments life-taking), but we should do our best to detach ourselves where possible, whilst still being present and living with love.
Sometimes we need things to be present. If we wanted a soda for example, and we were thinking all day how much we wanted that soda and not paying attention to the world around us, then we should just get the soda, and start living. But, as mentioned, we must do our best to indulge ourselves in the things that are universal in this world, such as the company of one another.
You see how tiring it is to take action and be deliberate. It is just tiring to read this and think of it let alone act on it. It is hard but it is a task worth embarking on, and when it is rooted in love, it will be fruitful for all in the world.
And finally, and most importantly, while it is good to think and reflect, we must act. We need to live. And as a good friend told me once, ¨the greatest form of resistance is to celebrate life in every moment.¨
Thanks for reading, if you have thoughts on how to refine these words, let me know please. I am sending my love and prayers and thoughts and hoping to receive your airconditioning because it is HOT here. Paz!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Scary Times
Hello friends! Much has happened in the past couple of weeks, so once again, I will do my best to be clear.
The overall sentiment of the last three weeks or so has been one of sadness. I miss home, I miss friends, I was feeling lonely and lost...many questions of ¨What the hell am I doing in Ecuador? Why did I think this was a good idea?¨ Thoughts about leaving and going home were entertained in my head and I put little effort into being present in the community around me...
But that was before I remembered to breathe a little, to pray some more, and to trust in God, to trust in the present and to once again, stop living for the future.
So then, you may ask, Santi...what has happened lately? I will tell you then :-) At the beginning of the month we had a retreat on the beach, where I reflected, rest and swam in the ocean morning, day and night. I throughly enjoy the beach and hope to find myself near one often.
The bigger news began Thursday, November 15. We have 12 volunteers in our community here, living in two homes. On this particular night we decided to have a spirituality night together. It was really a great evening where we reflected on solitude versus loneliness, and we did an activity where we were blindfolded and told to think of a person from home we missed. We did so as we were across from another person who was also blindfolded thinking of someone they missed.
I was across the way from Patrick, who at the time was really missing his girlfriend. At one point, we were told to greet the person in front of us, who was the person we were thinking of (quite believible when you are blindfolded), as they were right there for real. Well my friends, that was the closest I have ever been to being kissed by a man. Haha. It didn´t happen, but he really missed his girlfriend. But! The really wild part, was at the end of the night, around 10:10pm we were all holding hands, the twelve us, praying together. We were near the end of it when Daniel started speaking...
As Daniel started to speak, the ground started to shake. The windows vibrated, lightly at first, and then it intensified. Drea was sitting next to me, and as we were holding hands, we looked at each other due to the ground shaking, and she squeezed my hand. We were both a little worried, especially when the shaking last more than five seconds. 12 seconds or so after the shaking started, it got stronger, and all of us realized, yes, we are experiencing an earthquake. As we got up to run out of the house, a mirror in the boys bathroom broke which just made the situation scarier. We went outside and the earthquake continued for a good 15 seconds more and it felt real weird and real cool. Thankfully nothing substantial happened. The story I just wrote makes it sound more dramatic than it was, but it was still something that instilled more respect in mother nature. It turns out the earthquakes epicenter was 150km south of us, a 6.7 earthquake on the border of Ecuador and Peru. But as I said, we and our neighbors were fine here, but it was the strongest many had ever felt.
That was last Thursday. This Thursday, I experienced the greatest fright of my life. To be sure though, everyone involved is fine and things are much better. But as you know, I work at an afterschool program called, Semillas de Mostaza. Well, the kids either have homework for an hour, or they do some sort of activity, after which they then have an hour of recess. One of the kids there is named Paul, but everyone calls him Raul or six, because he has a sixth finger on each hand. He is 12 and he is the man. Super strong, super skinny, super good at soccer and super loving towards his family and friends. He doesn´t go to school but takes lessons with a neighbor and is just a wonderful kid. We had our rough times in the beginning but now he is one of the people I am closest to here. I remember one day he was being made fun of by other kids and he was about to leave when I saw him crying. I asked him waht was wrong, and he told me he comes to Semillas happy and leaves sad, and I said, well we can´t have that happen, and we figured out what had happened and took care of it. From there, and other conversations, we have been very close.
So Thanksgiving, recess has just started. Many of the boys play soccer on the concrete field we have. Other kids, mostly girls but some boys too, play tag and sometimes cross through the soccer field. So Paul was playing, with other kids, going after a ball, when a kid who was playing tag didn´t see him and ran straight in to him. Brian, the kid running, collided heads with Paul. I didn´t see it happen because I was with Christina, another volunteer, talking to a girl about why she had broken a rule. That´s when kids came running up to me saying Paul was bleeding from the mouth.
I ran on the field, saw a lot of blood on the cement field and became very worried. Paul was being held up behind a wall by one of the Ecuadorian volunteers with blood dripping heavily out of his mouth. His eyelids were fluttering and he was looking down, very dazed and unresponsive. He was being held up by volunteers and I was super worried. So I ran to get water to clean the blood, but when I put it to his face, it was bleeding so heavily that it just completely diluted the water. This was all about 20 seconds of time, and I thought to myself, we need to get this kid out of here. I was legitmiately concerned that death was possible. I couldn´t see what was cut, all I know was that we was weak, unresponsive, bleeding, with his head hanging and his eyes fluttering.
The taxi circle is a good three minute walk from the school where we have the afterschool program and I didn´t think we had that much time to get out there. Thank God the director of the school where we have Semillas was there with his car. I picked up Paul in my arms and ran him to the car. Christina came with me and with my shirt and a rag I started to catch the blood out of Paul´s mouth. We drove to a hospital and a doctor, both of which were CLOSED! and the guard outside one didn´t know where another one was. Finally we found a doctor who was open, about 15 minutes after having left Semillas.
The entire time, I kept talking to him. I asked, are you tired, don´t go to sleep, look at me. I told him about how great he was and when I cracked my head open. I made fun of his ¨girlfriend¨ i asked him if it hurt, i assurred him i wouldn´t leave, i assurred him he would be ok. In my head, I prayed to God. I feared the worst, I questioned our response time, I made an effort not to say anything that would worry him like the fact that I thought his tounge was cut. I kissed his head and held him close, at first a little taken that his blood was on me, but then not caring. I came close to crying but thought, you have to be strong for him. He wasn´t even crying! This kid is amazing. But it was in these moments that I felt like a father, like this was my child. I felt a little like my mom must have when I got stiches after I cracked my head open. I was scarred.
We finally got to a doctor who was open, and I had Paul spit, but the blood had clotted in his mouth and it looked like a tongue so I said not to spit. We went in, and the doctor looked at him, made him spit and we saw it was just blood in his mouth and that his tongue was fine. We laid him down, they gave him anestisia and then three stiches. And I was so relieved. He held my hand as they stiched him and he felt better with the drugs. They gave him a prescription and he is on the medication now, and getting better despite heavy inflamation, but he will be fine. I was very shaken by the whole thing and am doing better now, having visited him a number of times in the past 3 days, and just grateful to God and relieved that he is fine. Wow.
The whole situation made me realize how important it is for me to answer this call I have had to take some sort of EMT course to know basic emergency medical information. It also made me recognize the importance of good roads and infrastructure that are necessary in emergency situations. I do not like to think about what would have happened had Paul not had a car at his disposal. And just the need for fair medical attention in all parts of the world. I don´t know...still more to think about.
Later that night I went to a sweet Thanksgiving dinner with many people and had a blast. Friday was nice, I played soccer for the first time in a while, and yesterday we had a wedding for our In-Country Director, Kevin, and had an amazing time. Partying and dancing till 3am. Good stuff. That is about it though...now I am happier and a little more present. Thinking about the good things around me and trying not to take too much forgranted. I am recognizing, for a number of reasons, my place in this world under God and the delicate thing that life is. I guess I am recognizing that at any moment it could all dissapear and so I must realize the gifts around me and life with love.
Thank you for reading friends. I hope to get new pics up soon, so stay tuned! Talk to you soon, Paz!
The overall sentiment of the last three weeks or so has been one of sadness. I miss home, I miss friends, I was feeling lonely and lost...many questions of ¨What the hell am I doing in Ecuador? Why did I think this was a good idea?¨ Thoughts about leaving and going home were entertained in my head and I put little effort into being present in the community around me...
But that was before I remembered to breathe a little, to pray some more, and to trust in God, to trust in the present and to once again, stop living for the future.
So then, you may ask, Santi...what has happened lately? I will tell you then :-) At the beginning of the month we had a retreat on the beach, where I reflected, rest and swam in the ocean morning, day and night. I throughly enjoy the beach and hope to find myself near one often.
The bigger news began Thursday, November 15. We have 12 volunteers in our community here, living in two homes. On this particular night we decided to have a spirituality night together. It was really a great evening where we reflected on solitude versus loneliness, and we did an activity where we were blindfolded and told to think of a person from home we missed. We did so as we were across from another person who was also blindfolded thinking of someone they missed.
I was across the way from Patrick, who at the time was really missing his girlfriend. At one point, we were told to greet the person in front of us, who was the person we were thinking of (quite believible when you are blindfolded), as they were right there for real. Well my friends, that was the closest I have ever been to being kissed by a man. Haha. It didn´t happen, but he really missed his girlfriend. But! The really wild part, was at the end of the night, around 10:10pm we were all holding hands, the twelve us, praying together. We were near the end of it when Daniel started speaking...
As Daniel started to speak, the ground started to shake. The windows vibrated, lightly at first, and then it intensified. Drea was sitting next to me, and as we were holding hands, we looked at each other due to the ground shaking, and she squeezed my hand. We were both a little worried, especially when the shaking last more than five seconds. 12 seconds or so after the shaking started, it got stronger, and all of us realized, yes, we are experiencing an earthquake. As we got up to run out of the house, a mirror in the boys bathroom broke which just made the situation scarier. We went outside and the earthquake continued for a good 15 seconds more and it felt real weird and real cool. Thankfully nothing substantial happened. The story I just wrote makes it sound more dramatic than it was, but it was still something that instilled more respect in mother nature. It turns out the earthquakes epicenter was 150km south of us, a 6.7 earthquake on the border of Ecuador and Peru. But as I said, we and our neighbors were fine here, but it was the strongest many had ever felt.
That was last Thursday. This Thursday, I experienced the greatest fright of my life. To be sure though, everyone involved is fine and things are much better. But as you know, I work at an afterschool program called, Semillas de Mostaza. Well, the kids either have homework for an hour, or they do some sort of activity, after which they then have an hour of recess. One of the kids there is named Paul, but everyone calls him Raul or six, because he has a sixth finger on each hand. He is 12 and he is the man. Super strong, super skinny, super good at soccer and super loving towards his family and friends. He doesn´t go to school but takes lessons with a neighbor and is just a wonderful kid. We had our rough times in the beginning but now he is one of the people I am closest to here. I remember one day he was being made fun of by other kids and he was about to leave when I saw him crying. I asked him waht was wrong, and he told me he comes to Semillas happy and leaves sad, and I said, well we can´t have that happen, and we figured out what had happened and took care of it. From there, and other conversations, we have been very close.
So Thanksgiving, recess has just started. Many of the boys play soccer on the concrete field we have. Other kids, mostly girls but some boys too, play tag and sometimes cross through the soccer field. So Paul was playing, with other kids, going after a ball, when a kid who was playing tag didn´t see him and ran straight in to him. Brian, the kid running, collided heads with Paul. I didn´t see it happen because I was with Christina, another volunteer, talking to a girl about why she had broken a rule. That´s when kids came running up to me saying Paul was bleeding from the mouth.
I ran on the field, saw a lot of blood on the cement field and became very worried. Paul was being held up behind a wall by one of the Ecuadorian volunteers with blood dripping heavily out of his mouth. His eyelids were fluttering and he was looking down, very dazed and unresponsive. He was being held up by volunteers and I was super worried. So I ran to get water to clean the blood, but when I put it to his face, it was bleeding so heavily that it just completely diluted the water. This was all about 20 seconds of time, and I thought to myself, we need to get this kid out of here. I was legitmiately concerned that death was possible. I couldn´t see what was cut, all I know was that we was weak, unresponsive, bleeding, with his head hanging and his eyes fluttering.
The taxi circle is a good three minute walk from the school where we have the afterschool program and I didn´t think we had that much time to get out there. Thank God the director of the school where we have Semillas was there with his car. I picked up Paul in my arms and ran him to the car. Christina came with me and with my shirt and a rag I started to catch the blood out of Paul´s mouth. We drove to a hospital and a doctor, both of which were CLOSED! and the guard outside one didn´t know where another one was. Finally we found a doctor who was open, about 15 minutes after having left Semillas.
The entire time, I kept talking to him. I asked, are you tired, don´t go to sleep, look at me. I told him about how great he was and when I cracked my head open. I made fun of his ¨girlfriend¨ i asked him if it hurt, i assurred him i wouldn´t leave, i assurred him he would be ok. In my head, I prayed to God. I feared the worst, I questioned our response time, I made an effort not to say anything that would worry him like the fact that I thought his tounge was cut. I kissed his head and held him close, at first a little taken that his blood was on me, but then not caring. I came close to crying but thought, you have to be strong for him. He wasn´t even crying! This kid is amazing. But it was in these moments that I felt like a father, like this was my child. I felt a little like my mom must have when I got stiches after I cracked my head open. I was scarred.
We finally got to a doctor who was open, and I had Paul spit, but the blood had clotted in his mouth and it looked like a tongue so I said not to spit. We went in, and the doctor looked at him, made him spit and we saw it was just blood in his mouth and that his tongue was fine. We laid him down, they gave him anestisia and then three stiches. And I was so relieved. He held my hand as they stiched him and he felt better with the drugs. They gave him a prescription and he is on the medication now, and getting better despite heavy inflamation, but he will be fine. I was very shaken by the whole thing and am doing better now, having visited him a number of times in the past 3 days, and just grateful to God and relieved that he is fine. Wow.
The whole situation made me realize how important it is for me to answer this call I have had to take some sort of EMT course to know basic emergency medical information. It also made me recognize the importance of good roads and infrastructure that are necessary in emergency situations. I do not like to think about what would have happened had Paul not had a car at his disposal. And just the need for fair medical attention in all parts of the world. I don´t know...still more to think about.
Later that night I went to a sweet Thanksgiving dinner with many people and had a blast. Friday was nice, I played soccer for the first time in a while, and yesterday we had a wedding for our In-Country Director, Kevin, and had an amazing time. Partying and dancing till 3am. Good stuff. That is about it though...now I am happier and a little more present. Thinking about the good things around me and trying not to take too much forgranted. I am recognizing, for a number of reasons, my place in this world under God and the delicate thing that life is. I guess I am recognizing that at any moment it could all dissapear and so I must realize the gifts around me and life with love.
Thank you for reading friends. I hope to get new pics up soon, so stay tuned! Talk to you soon, Paz!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
He Lives
Ah yes, so the first period of extended time without a blog has passed...my apologizes. I can assure though, because of time constraints, confusion in my head and exhaustion, this entry will be incoherent to many, myself included haha...
So there I am visiting a woman, Mariela, at her home as part of my job in the morning. We go, Christina and I, to the homes of women who have taken out loans, and spend time with them, conversing, cooking and often eating. It is Tuesday, the day after her son´s birthday and the family has a chicken outside ready to be cooked. But, ready is an understatement, because it is alive. I hear, ¨let´s go kill the chicken.¨ And I say, ¨I want to go kill the chicken! Can I watch you kill the chicken?¨ Mariela, who really is amazing, said, ¨Of course!¨ Now granted, this experience is exotic for me, but common around these parts.
So Mariela makes a hole in the ground (to drain the blood), holds the head while her friend holds the rest of the chicken. I will spare the details, but we killed it and it was quite interesting. It is the second animal here I have taken an pretty active role in killing. After it was dead though, I helped defeather it, which was pretty interesting. To make a long story short, we ate it in a soup, (I had one of the feet) and it tastes that much better when you are involved in the entire process. I would equate it to making your own batch of brownies. Much better than when someone makes them, or than when you buy them, because after all, you were a part of the process...maybe it is not exactly like that, because one was a live and one is chocolate, but you get the idea.
So, the struggles right...crazy stuff going on in my head. At times, I like to think I cannot be surprised by much, that I have seen poverty and the effects of violent repression, and that I have seen crazy things and believed those I would not have had confidence in at first glance. However, I know this mentality is presumptious and naive. I am young and albeit having seen much and experienced a lot, there is much more to see and learn. I am always learning. But to say I am not surprised, keeps my heart closed, and that is where I am at.
I used to live with my heart a hundred percent. I dove in and invested my full self. Then, things happened, and what I had invested in was taken away, either by choice or ¨chance¨or experience, and it hurt. Specifically, experiences in El Salvador really messed up my faith in God and in humans. As a result, I have had difficulty investing in myself, much less those around me. It has been quite difficult for me, as I know it is for everyone at certain times, to be vulnerable. I am afraid of being perceived as weak. But I know, that his vulnerability, which is to say humanity, only makes us stronger. Regardless, I am scarred. I want others to be vulnerable too, but if I am going to be a leader, I must lead by example, right?
My heart is not as open as it could be. Not to those around me, and not to those I encounter on a daily basis. I know the vast majority of that is a fear. I, as I have said to many, am a person of extremes and it is difficult for me to balance myself. In El Salvador, I let the pain that was violence and poverty enter me and it deflated me. I was of little good to myself or others, so I thought anyway. I don´t want that to happen here. I want to be able to be true and open but also keep from crumbling. I do not think there is a certain time frame for which I should be hurting or joyful or aware, we will say, but I do know I should be living with a more open heart, fearless of intimacy and pain.
I also know I am hard on myself, but these are the thoughts on my mind and in my heart. You see, I have tried to answer much with my mind, and I will continue to do so. Reason is a gift we have, and it is something we can all relate too. But we can also all relate to the heart. You see, I am forgetting this aspect. I am forgetting, that while we are not of all the same religion or faith, we all still have faith (in something anyway) and more importantly, we all still live with heart. We all live with the same capacity to love, and we all live with the same capacity to be human. I know the heart, the spirit, are nourishing, but I also know that they are somewhat intangible compared to what we are familiar with, and so it is scarier.
I am not saying, once again, that I must cry here to be vulnerable, or that letting others in will ¨fix¨ anything, because that is not the point. What I am saying is to be vulnerable is to be human, which is to be present, which is to love. A love for both yourself and the other.
Related, but bare with me...speaking of the oppressed and oppressors again. I want to trust the oppressed, to be equal as possible and aid in justice. If I am not an oppressors I am than part of the oppressed. But at the same time, my mentality, while it is wrong, has been to oppress the oppressors, not overtly, but through manipulation. You see, for me the oppressors, and we will talk about the economically oppressive right now, search for profits rather than the benefit of people. Therefore, to have them be just with their employees, I figure we must make a strategy that shows that just wages for example, benefits the owner, often an oppressors. (I know this is a lot of generalization, but think of the main idea here). But this manipulation does not change the spirit. What good is it if the oppressor gives the oppressed means, but no respect or dignity?
Sure, we could say that with economic means, more of the oppressed could have education, better hygiene, food and living conditions, which in turn, might give more of an apperance that is ¨respectible¨ for the oppressors, but it does not change the heart. The heart is changed by friendship. Will the oppressors just become friends with the oppressed, no, but maybe there can me ¨ambassadors¨ we will say, who are friends with both sides (while inevitably being on one side or the other at different moments) and can aid in a changing of heart of one or the other.
The point is, mind and heart must go together. To just change the heart would take too long for me and my human patience. I want to change the heart but I also want concrete social change, justice and dignity. We must go with faith, for me, in God, which is Love (not exclusive to any religion), which encourages us and feeds us to take concrete action. Action rooted in Love. Some say, Ad Majorem Dei Glorium, for the greater glory of God. Others just say praxis which is reflection and action. It is all the same so long as it is rooted in Love.
And so that is where I am at....young thoughts yes, I have much more to learn...and I have to work on this intimacy thing, especially if I find it integral to humanity. The truth is, all things in Nature, us included, have a specific purpose, just as all of us have a specific purpose, shown by our talents and passions, and we must share in them. This too, is rooted in Love.
I am going to the beach this weekend for a retreat, I plan on it being sweet. In great part because, as I have aged, I have grown to enjoy the beach more completely. And living on the Gulf of Mexico, we don´t get the waves you find in the Pacific. And yes mom, I will watch out for the currents and undertoe. Haha, ok friends, peace always, and I will try not to oppress, myself, my heart or others. CHAU!
So there I am visiting a woman, Mariela, at her home as part of my job in the morning. We go, Christina and I, to the homes of women who have taken out loans, and spend time with them, conversing, cooking and often eating. It is Tuesday, the day after her son´s birthday and the family has a chicken outside ready to be cooked. But, ready is an understatement, because it is alive. I hear, ¨let´s go kill the chicken.¨ And I say, ¨I want to go kill the chicken! Can I watch you kill the chicken?¨ Mariela, who really is amazing, said, ¨Of course!¨ Now granted, this experience is exotic for me, but common around these parts.
So Mariela makes a hole in the ground (to drain the blood), holds the head while her friend holds the rest of the chicken. I will spare the details, but we killed it and it was quite interesting. It is the second animal here I have taken an pretty active role in killing. After it was dead though, I helped defeather it, which was pretty interesting. To make a long story short, we ate it in a soup, (I had one of the feet) and it tastes that much better when you are involved in the entire process. I would equate it to making your own batch of brownies. Much better than when someone makes them, or than when you buy them, because after all, you were a part of the process...maybe it is not exactly like that, because one was a live and one is chocolate, but you get the idea.
So, the struggles right...crazy stuff going on in my head. At times, I like to think I cannot be surprised by much, that I have seen poverty and the effects of violent repression, and that I have seen crazy things and believed those I would not have had confidence in at first glance. However, I know this mentality is presumptious and naive. I am young and albeit having seen much and experienced a lot, there is much more to see and learn. I am always learning. But to say I am not surprised, keeps my heart closed, and that is where I am at.
I used to live with my heart a hundred percent. I dove in and invested my full self. Then, things happened, and what I had invested in was taken away, either by choice or ¨chance¨or experience, and it hurt. Specifically, experiences in El Salvador really messed up my faith in God and in humans. As a result, I have had difficulty investing in myself, much less those around me. It has been quite difficult for me, as I know it is for everyone at certain times, to be vulnerable. I am afraid of being perceived as weak. But I know, that his vulnerability, which is to say humanity, only makes us stronger. Regardless, I am scarred. I want others to be vulnerable too, but if I am going to be a leader, I must lead by example, right?
My heart is not as open as it could be. Not to those around me, and not to those I encounter on a daily basis. I know the vast majority of that is a fear. I, as I have said to many, am a person of extremes and it is difficult for me to balance myself. In El Salvador, I let the pain that was violence and poverty enter me and it deflated me. I was of little good to myself or others, so I thought anyway. I don´t want that to happen here. I want to be able to be true and open but also keep from crumbling. I do not think there is a certain time frame for which I should be hurting or joyful or aware, we will say, but I do know I should be living with a more open heart, fearless of intimacy and pain.
I also know I am hard on myself, but these are the thoughts on my mind and in my heart. You see, I have tried to answer much with my mind, and I will continue to do so. Reason is a gift we have, and it is something we can all relate too. But we can also all relate to the heart. You see, I am forgetting this aspect. I am forgetting, that while we are not of all the same religion or faith, we all still have faith (in something anyway) and more importantly, we all still live with heart. We all live with the same capacity to love, and we all live with the same capacity to be human. I know the heart, the spirit, are nourishing, but I also know that they are somewhat intangible compared to what we are familiar with, and so it is scarier.
I am not saying, once again, that I must cry here to be vulnerable, or that letting others in will ¨fix¨ anything, because that is not the point. What I am saying is to be vulnerable is to be human, which is to be present, which is to love. A love for both yourself and the other.
Related, but bare with me...speaking of the oppressed and oppressors again. I want to trust the oppressed, to be equal as possible and aid in justice. If I am not an oppressors I am than part of the oppressed. But at the same time, my mentality, while it is wrong, has been to oppress the oppressors, not overtly, but through manipulation. You see, for me the oppressors, and we will talk about the economically oppressive right now, search for profits rather than the benefit of people. Therefore, to have them be just with their employees, I figure we must make a strategy that shows that just wages for example, benefits the owner, often an oppressors. (I know this is a lot of generalization, but think of the main idea here). But this manipulation does not change the spirit. What good is it if the oppressor gives the oppressed means, but no respect or dignity?
Sure, we could say that with economic means, more of the oppressed could have education, better hygiene, food and living conditions, which in turn, might give more of an apperance that is ¨respectible¨ for the oppressors, but it does not change the heart. The heart is changed by friendship. Will the oppressors just become friends with the oppressed, no, but maybe there can me ¨ambassadors¨ we will say, who are friends with both sides (while inevitably being on one side or the other at different moments) and can aid in a changing of heart of one or the other.
The point is, mind and heart must go together. To just change the heart would take too long for me and my human patience. I want to change the heart but I also want concrete social change, justice and dignity. We must go with faith, for me, in God, which is Love (not exclusive to any religion), which encourages us and feeds us to take concrete action. Action rooted in Love. Some say, Ad Majorem Dei Glorium, for the greater glory of God. Others just say praxis which is reflection and action. It is all the same so long as it is rooted in Love.
And so that is where I am at....young thoughts yes, I have much more to learn...and I have to work on this intimacy thing, especially if I find it integral to humanity. The truth is, all things in Nature, us included, have a specific purpose, just as all of us have a specific purpose, shown by our talents and passions, and we must share in them. This too, is rooted in Love.
I am going to the beach this weekend for a retreat, I plan on it being sweet. In great part because, as I have aged, I have grown to enjoy the beach more completely. And living on the Gulf of Mexico, we don´t get the waves you find in the Pacific. And yes mom, I will watch out for the currents and undertoe. Haha, ok friends, peace always, and I will try not to oppress, myself, my heart or others. CHAU!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
A Selfish Year
The formating didn´t work on this comp, so it might be spaced out weird sorry...
Well, well, well...we meet again! I have been out and about doing a number of things and I apologize it has been a while since I last wrote.
Before I came to Ecuador, I knew this year was part¨selfish.¨ I wanted to be in South America, in a country that enjoyed soccer, had good food, had a program where I could live in community, where I could live in an impoverished area, and be told what to do for a while. I wanted it to be a time where I could discern what the next steps of my life were. Whatever I wanted, it is what I wanted. Of course, I discerned the program and it felt right to come to Ecuador, but for the most part it was to answer desires and needs within myself. It was not to come to ¨make a difference¨ or to ¨save anyone¨ from anything, not to say that that is the mentality of anyone here. But this year was to take my time, enjoy myself, and figure out pieces of my future.
As a result, I get very excited about my future! There are so many possibilities and options that blow my mind and I enjoying thinking about them. The thoughts I have include, living in Argentina next year. Trying out for a soccer team. Possibly doing a masters program in Argentina. Doing a masters program at BC, or another Jesuit university. Opening up an eatery in some Latin American beach town. Riding a bicycle through pieces of the Americas. And then of course, the great excitement, but patience, for children. All of these, of course are great thoughts. The problem is, when I think of them, I stop living in the present with those around me, and turn in to my own little world. (Not too mention, when we are living we listen to what God and the world wants from us and our plans and desires inevitably change.)
Therefore, when I am out of the present, thinking of the joys of the future, I grow in guilt. Guilt that I do not appreciate the joys of the present and guilt that I am doing a disservice to the world and those around me, denying them my love and closing off to receiving their love. All for the sake of my thoughts and excitements of the future. There are countless joys in the present! Of course, it is not bad to think of the future and to be excited for the beauties that lie ahead, but for me, in order to transform the world, to create justice and breed love, (all reason why we live I believe) we must be in the present.
When we are present we form relationships and nourish ourselves and the those around us. And when we are present we nourish God. For me, we reach God in one another and in Nature. But to do so, we must be present and feel our emotions and partake in what we have around us. There is nothing like sharing conversation, work, play, fear with one another for we share in God. And when we stand barefoot and let the grass caress our feet, or marvel at the stars in all their wonder, or feel the wind play with our hair or push our body, it is as if we are kissing God. And when these two are combined, relationships and Nature, we are in true harmony of what it means to love and be loved. It is then when we find our humanity, divinity and joy.
Of course, not all moments are good and we are in pain. There is a lot of perpetual suffering and innocent who hurt. Perpetual suffering is a real kick. But when we experience things together, in silence, tears and confusion, when we question, when we become vulnerable with one another, showing our weakness, which is to say our humanity, we come that much closer to love, peace and justice. When we do come together in our weakness, it is there that we become strong and we can take more action as a group, be it collaborating or lobbying for an issue, or building a well, or opening up a shop, or placing someone in power or righting the wrong caused by blind oppression (because the oppressors rarely recognize what they are doing, hell I oppress at times).
Justice, peace and deeper love are the result of our love and desire to share in the humanity and divinity of each. There is a dignity within each person, that is fulfilled most when we are present, and we look the person in the eye, our lover or a beggar, and give them our love and more importantly maybe, receive theirs.
I recognize, that this desire to create justice and breed love, through being present and creating relationships is not exclusive to Ecuador. It can be done anywhere, at anytime, by all people. And that is why I say this year is part selfish . I wanted to be here, (let me say too that I trust there is a deeper reason as to why I am here), but what happens here is not particular to Ecuador. It is particular to the possibility of all of as humans as children of Love, that is, children of a God of all. We can all create change and breed love, and we need to, because there is some tough stuff going on in this world, but we are stronger than the suffering.
So we will see what the future holds for me personally, after all surprises are nice. And if we listen to our heart, as The Little Prince reminds us, we cannot go wrong. My mom always told me to listen to my heart for it is where God dwelled inside me, and it has not steered me wrong yet.
Other than that, things have been becoming more ¨normal¨ here, that is to say, while I learn everyday, I am a little less surprised and more aware. I have been confirmed by many to ask the ¨poor¨ who the poor are and what poverty is (many think it is those without values, confirming that inability to look at poverty as simply an economic state), and am reminded in the need to hold a child who is crying after she has fallen for in that moment, that is the only thing in the world that matters.
Finally, to show you the craziness that can be Ecuador, I passed a school Thursday which had about 100 6-11 year olds hulded around a twenty foot pole at the end of the school day. At the top of the pole was rice, flour, snacks, daipers, soda, toothpaste, a number of treats. The kids had to climb up the pole to get the treats. BUT! there was a catch, the pole was covered in grease HAHA Palo Encevado they call it. It was hillarious! You had all these kids standing on each other, climbing up the pole like Cirque du Soleil and parents and kids laughing galore, oohing and ahhing as kids slid down and steped on one another. I have the pictures on a friends camera, I will try to get them up soon. It was great!
I leave you now with some pictures and gratitude for reading my blog. Thank you again for your comments, prayers and love. I am thinking of all with whom my path has crossed and am grateful for all of it. Peace amigos!
This is our house, with the cars in front.
The retreat house is to the left.
This is a view of a piece of a main road in Arbolito.
That is the church we go to.
This is the canal and road to the left of our house.
This is Santi, aka me, at the first intersection to the right of our house.
This is what you see when you turn right, out of our house. The prior picture as me at the second phone pole on the right.
Well, well, well...we meet again! I have been out and about doing a number of things and I apologize it has been a while since I last wrote.
Before I came to Ecuador, I knew this year was part¨selfish.¨ I wanted to be in South America, in a country that enjoyed soccer, had good food, had a program where I could live in community, where I could live in an impoverished area, and be told what to do for a while. I wanted it to be a time where I could discern what the next steps of my life were. Whatever I wanted, it is what I wanted. Of course, I discerned the program and it felt right to come to Ecuador, but for the most part it was to answer desires and needs within myself. It was not to come to ¨make a difference¨ or to ¨save anyone¨ from anything, not to say that that is the mentality of anyone here. But this year was to take my time, enjoy myself, and figure out pieces of my future.
As a result, I get very excited about my future! There are so many possibilities and options that blow my mind and I enjoying thinking about them. The thoughts I have include, living in Argentina next year. Trying out for a soccer team. Possibly doing a masters program in Argentina. Doing a masters program at BC, or another Jesuit university. Opening up an eatery in some Latin American beach town. Riding a bicycle through pieces of the Americas. And then of course, the great excitement, but patience, for children. All of these, of course are great thoughts. The problem is, when I think of them, I stop living in the present with those around me, and turn in to my own little world. (Not too mention, when we are living we listen to what God and the world wants from us and our plans and desires inevitably change.)
Therefore, when I am out of the present, thinking of the joys of the future, I grow in guilt. Guilt that I do not appreciate the joys of the present and guilt that I am doing a disservice to the world and those around me, denying them my love and closing off to receiving their love. All for the sake of my thoughts and excitements of the future. There are countless joys in the present! Of course, it is not bad to think of the future and to be excited for the beauties that lie ahead, but for me, in order to transform the world, to create justice and breed love, (all reason why we live I believe) we must be in the present.
When we are present we form relationships and nourish ourselves and the those around us. And when we are present we nourish God. For me, we reach God in one another and in Nature. But to do so, we must be present and feel our emotions and partake in what we have around us. There is nothing like sharing conversation, work, play, fear with one another for we share in God. And when we stand barefoot and let the grass caress our feet, or marvel at the stars in all their wonder, or feel the wind play with our hair or push our body, it is as if we are kissing God. And when these two are combined, relationships and Nature, we are in true harmony of what it means to love and be loved. It is then when we find our humanity, divinity and joy.
Of course, not all moments are good and we are in pain. There is a lot of perpetual suffering and innocent who hurt. Perpetual suffering is a real kick. But when we experience things together, in silence, tears and confusion, when we question, when we become vulnerable with one another, showing our weakness, which is to say our humanity, we come that much closer to love, peace and justice. When we do come together in our weakness, it is there that we become strong and we can take more action as a group, be it collaborating or lobbying for an issue, or building a well, or opening up a shop, or placing someone in power or righting the wrong caused by blind oppression (because the oppressors rarely recognize what they are doing, hell I oppress at times).
Justice, peace and deeper love are the result of our love and desire to share in the humanity and divinity of each. There is a dignity within each person, that is fulfilled most when we are present, and we look the person in the eye, our lover or a beggar, and give them our love and more importantly maybe, receive theirs.
I recognize, that this desire to create justice and breed love, through being present and creating relationships is not exclusive to Ecuador. It can be done anywhere, at anytime, by all people. And that is why I say this year is part selfish . I wanted to be here, (let me say too that I trust there is a deeper reason as to why I am here), but what happens here is not particular to Ecuador. It is particular to the possibility of all of as humans as children of Love, that is, children of a God of all. We can all create change and breed love, and we need to, because there is some tough stuff going on in this world, but we are stronger than the suffering.
So we will see what the future holds for me personally, after all surprises are nice. And if we listen to our heart, as The Little Prince reminds us, we cannot go wrong. My mom always told me to listen to my heart for it is where God dwelled inside me, and it has not steered me wrong yet.
Other than that, things have been becoming more ¨normal¨ here, that is to say, while I learn everyday, I am a little less surprised and more aware. I have been confirmed by many to ask the ¨poor¨ who the poor are and what poverty is (many think it is those without values, confirming that inability to look at poverty as simply an economic state), and am reminded in the need to hold a child who is crying after she has fallen for in that moment, that is the only thing in the world that matters.
Finally, to show you the craziness that can be Ecuador, I passed a school Thursday which had about 100 6-11 year olds hulded around a twenty foot pole at the end of the school day. At the top of the pole was rice, flour, snacks, daipers, soda, toothpaste, a number of treats. The kids had to climb up the pole to get the treats. BUT! there was a catch, the pole was covered in grease HAHA Palo Encevado they call it. It was hillarious! You had all these kids standing on each other, climbing up the pole like Cirque du Soleil and parents and kids laughing galore, oohing and ahhing as kids slid down and steped on one another. I have the pictures on a friends camera, I will try to get them up soon. It was great!
I leave you now with some pictures and gratitude for reading my blog. Thank you again for your comments, prayers and love. I am thinking of all with whom my path has crossed and am grateful for all of it. Peace amigos!
This is our house, with the cars in front.
The retreat house is to the left.This is a view of a piece of a main road in Arbolito.
That is the church we go to.This is the canal and road to the left of our house.
This is Santi, aka me, at the first intersection to the right of our house.
This is what you see when you turn right, out of our house. The prior picture as me at the second phone pole on the right.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Continued Thought on Poverty
Oh hello, I didn´t see you come in....mostly because I am not there right now haha, but it would be nice to be there.
So check it out, last week I mentioned something about middle class Ecuadorians, or rather, some of my neighbors who live in cane houses and on dirt roads, without running water, feel they are middle class. Now, while these thoughts exist and are true for some, to suggest it is the norm is a gross misrepresentation of the reality.
I have also spoken of different ways to define poverty, one being in relation to material wealth in the States and the other being a view that is opportunity-based. But recently I have been thinking too about organization or lack thereof. In the past ten days, I have been in a number of homes that were quite disorganized. This disorganization has had a surprising impact on me. While many of the people here are poor, both materially, financially and opportunity-wise, there reality can be misconstrued with how their home is. If their home is organized, it is clean, which tends to mean that they themselves practice good hygiene, which all leads to the suggestion that they have the time or can afford to take the time to care for themselves and their home. On the flip side, those who have less time, often have messy homes, which leads to poor hygiene at times. This lack of cleanliness, manifests itself elsewhere in the communities. The fact that the roads are dirt and there is a lot of dust, there is little grass here in Duran so parks are usually concrete, and the overall presence of flora is minimal. Maybe its the weather, or maybe it is insufficient funds to pave the roads and tend to grass, trees and plants, but I think one way or another it is all connected. So, organization and cleanliness have been new indicators for me as to the reality of the situation, not just here, but in most of the world.
But now that I am looking for ¨signs of poverty¨ after my previous blog, I see it more often (partly because I think I was used to seeing them that I stopped thinking twice about them). Such as women with unshaved armpits or legs, children who don´t get to bathe often, clothes that do not fit correctly, shoes with holes in them, repeating clothing choices, groups of three riding on a bicycle together for transportation, and water barrels. Things are not easy to come by. Coupled with the fact that many women here are single and the head of the household, attempting to stretch limited funds for food, school and entertainment for their kids, not to mention possible medical situations. Those who remain in relationship with their husbands tend to have a little more room, but it doesn´t mean everything in the home is always on good terms. It is a machista culture of course.
So things are hard for many people down here. Without running water, families have between 3 and 6 barrels they have filled with water every two to four days or so. Each barrel holds about 50 gallons of water I believe, (Ill double check these figures) and costs .60 cents to fill from a water truck that passes by. To give you an idea of what ridiculous comfort myself and the other volunteers live in, we have a 2,000 gallon cistern which supplies running water to our house. We fill it every 14-18 days, and call the water truck specifically. The water truck, which hold 40 barrels of water or 2,000 gallons, empties out in our cistern. Wild stuff...and unsettling.
And finally, a though about Che and Paulo Freire. Freire wrote ¨The Pedagogy of the Oppressed¨ and he says a lot of wonderful and interesting things. Without oversimplifying it too much, he speaks of the need to transform the world in a fashion that we each reach our ontological vocation of full humanization. That is to say, to become fully human and to have the full dignity each person deserves is what is needed. He speaks of oppression as dehumanizing to both the oppressor and the oppressed, and that the oppressed must liberate both themselves and the oppressors. But he also says, that in order to do this, to transform this world so that human dignity is respected, realized and prioritized, we must be lovers of life. We must love the world, we must love people, and we must love life. He comments too, how Che wrote ¨Let me say, at the risk of sounding ridiculous, that the true revolutionary is guided by great feelings of love.¨
So that is what I am trying to do, celebrate life with those around me, and share in our love for life. Peace amigos!
PS - I joined a soccer team with my friend here. Our team wears the Argentina jersey, sweet eh. I played Saturday night and had a great time, scored a couple goals and we won the game. The best part was though, some of the kids calling me the name of Argentine players haha, good stuff. Peace!
So check it out, last week I mentioned something about middle class Ecuadorians, or rather, some of my neighbors who live in cane houses and on dirt roads, without running water, feel they are middle class. Now, while these thoughts exist and are true for some, to suggest it is the norm is a gross misrepresentation of the reality.
I have also spoken of different ways to define poverty, one being in relation to material wealth in the States and the other being a view that is opportunity-based. But recently I have been thinking too about organization or lack thereof. In the past ten days, I have been in a number of homes that were quite disorganized. This disorganization has had a surprising impact on me. While many of the people here are poor, both materially, financially and opportunity-wise, there reality can be misconstrued with how their home is. If their home is organized, it is clean, which tends to mean that they themselves practice good hygiene, which all leads to the suggestion that they have the time or can afford to take the time to care for themselves and their home. On the flip side, those who have less time, often have messy homes, which leads to poor hygiene at times. This lack of cleanliness, manifests itself elsewhere in the communities. The fact that the roads are dirt and there is a lot of dust, there is little grass here in Duran so parks are usually concrete, and the overall presence of flora is minimal. Maybe its the weather, or maybe it is insufficient funds to pave the roads and tend to grass, trees and plants, but I think one way or another it is all connected. So, organization and cleanliness have been new indicators for me as to the reality of the situation, not just here, but in most of the world.
But now that I am looking for ¨signs of poverty¨ after my previous blog, I see it more often (partly because I think I was used to seeing them that I stopped thinking twice about them). Such as women with unshaved armpits or legs, children who don´t get to bathe often, clothes that do not fit correctly, shoes with holes in them, repeating clothing choices, groups of three riding on a bicycle together for transportation, and water barrels. Things are not easy to come by. Coupled with the fact that many women here are single and the head of the household, attempting to stretch limited funds for food, school and entertainment for their kids, not to mention possible medical situations. Those who remain in relationship with their husbands tend to have a little more room, but it doesn´t mean everything in the home is always on good terms. It is a machista culture of course.
So things are hard for many people down here. Without running water, families have between 3 and 6 barrels they have filled with water every two to four days or so. Each barrel holds about 50 gallons of water I believe, (Ill double check these figures) and costs .60 cents to fill from a water truck that passes by. To give you an idea of what ridiculous comfort myself and the other volunteers live in, we have a 2,000 gallon cistern which supplies running water to our house. We fill it every 14-18 days, and call the water truck specifically. The water truck, which hold 40 barrels of water or 2,000 gallons, empties out in our cistern. Wild stuff...and unsettling.
And finally, a though about Che and Paulo Freire. Freire wrote ¨The Pedagogy of the Oppressed¨ and he says a lot of wonderful and interesting things. Without oversimplifying it too much, he speaks of the need to transform the world in a fashion that we each reach our ontological vocation of full humanization. That is to say, to become fully human and to have the full dignity each person deserves is what is needed. He speaks of oppression as dehumanizing to both the oppressor and the oppressed, and that the oppressed must liberate both themselves and the oppressors. But he also says, that in order to do this, to transform this world so that human dignity is respected, realized and prioritized, we must be lovers of life. We must love the world, we must love people, and we must love life. He comments too, how Che wrote ¨Let me say, at the risk of sounding ridiculous, that the true revolutionary is guided by great feelings of love.¨
So that is what I am trying to do, celebrate life with those around me, and share in our love for life. Peace amigos!
PS - I joined a soccer team with my friend here. Our team wears the Argentina jersey, sweet eh. I played Saturday night and had a great time, scored a couple goals and we won the game. The best part was though, some of the kids calling me the name of Argentine players haha, good stuff. Peace!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Pictures from Pilco!! (I have shaved since then...)
This is Scott, Patrick and myself in the middle of a climb.
Here I am...mountain man!
This is me milking a cow with Ara´s aunt watching on. The cow hit us all in the face individually with its tail.
This is me milking a cow with Ara´s aunt watching on. The cow hit us all in the face individually with its tail.
This here is of Patrick, Jesse, Scott, Ara and myself. 
This is of Patrick, Scott and me in the bed in Pilco earlier in September.
This is part of the hill we climbed...
Monday, September 17, 2007
Hello my dear friends, how are things in your piece of the world? I trust they are going well. I have few thoughts today, and they may be a little scattered so I apologize in advance.
This past weekend I participated in a few very exciting activities. First, Saturday morning I traveled with Scott to downtown Guayaquil to check out some music stores. Later that evening Scott, Patrick, Eric and I went to our director´s house to watch some college football and eat some pizza at his new apartment. It was a nice rest, but later that night I went out to a club with some friends from my neighborhood and had a blast. Those however, were just the warm up.
Sunday, I went to a soccer game. And not just any soccer game for those who live in and near Guayaquil. I went to the ¨superclasico¨ between Barcelona and Emelec, at Barcelona´s stadium. Both teams are from Guayaquil, and before the game, Barcelona was in first place, two points behind Emelec, and so an Emelec win would put them in first. To give you an idea of how much money this game makes everytime it is played, read this: All Ecuador soccer league games are shown on basic cable TV except for this game. Homes have to purchase this game as if it were pay-per-view, everytime. On basic cable, they show the players warming up and then as the game is being played, the camera pans the stadium and fans as the announcers speaks so you can´t watch without purchasing. Either way, it is set up to be big everytime. But, now for the craziness of the day!
To start, I am ok, and nothing major happened to me or Scott whom I went to the game with. So, Barcelona is in yellow and Emelec in blue. We take a bus from the terminal in Guayaquil that had a lot of Barcelona fans on it. We were told the bus took you a number of blocks from the stadium, which you then had to walk because the streets were blocked off. So we are on the bus, mostly yellow and some Emelec fans come on too, everynow and then. As we get closer to the stadium, but still far away, some of the Emelec fans in blue shirts left the bus, running to catch up with other blue shirted fans. I was thinking ¨man these kids are in a hurry¨ Finally, at a corner all the Barcelona fans get off the bus, and Scott and I, not really knowing what we were doing and without tickets purchased at this point, got off with them as we thought it was a smart way to find the stadium. When the Barcelona fans got off they too started to job. But it was jogging that lasted 8 seconds at a time with 3 second breaks, it was ridiculous an funny. It was as if they could not make up their mind.
Shortly after we got off the bus, we started to cross a bridge. By the top of the bridge, Scott and I were near the front of the crowd, and to our left, maybe seven blocks away we could see the stadium. As we headed down the second half of the bridge, an overpass became visible at the end of our bridge. Underneath the overpass were a few police officers and some Barcelona fans who were backing up in our direction. On top of the overpass were THOUSANDS of Emelec fans in blue. And they were not just chanting and singing, they were throwing rocks and at one point and explosive device at us. It was amazing! The police were baking us up a fourth of the bridge and stopped traffic under the overpass as Emelec fans gathered above, with a line of cops at the front. Apparently at Barcelona´s stadium, the vistor enterance crosses the Barcelona enterence. So Barcelona fans enter first, then Emelec in a huge, violent parade, and then Barcelona fans again. As it were, we were in the front of the second Barcelona batch.
As the crowd behind us grew bigger and more visibly yellow, (we were wearing white) the Emelec parade passed by. When it was safe, a line of police escorted us, riot-style sans the intense gear, under the overpass and towards the stadium. Every now and then the police would stop to keep good space between the two ¨barras¨(groups of fans). The entire time of course, people from both sides were yelling the many obsenities one hears at a sporting event, especially at a Latin American soccer match. Finally, we were at the stadium, police in front of us, and we found a guy selling tickets outside the stadium (apparently that is how it is down here) and got seats for behind one of the goals.
In most stadiums, the craziest events happen behind the goal on the first tier. Each goal typically is reserved for one team. However, in this stadium, the area behind both goals is for Barcelona. And a half section on one side of the field was for Emelec fans. This is how it was from my and Scott´s perspective. We sat behind the north goal, second tier, fourth row, right side. The lateral piece on our right was general audiences. The lateral piece on our left was were Emelec fans were, and on the far side of that lateral piece was Barcelona fans, with police in between. On the top of both lateral side were boxed seating. At the far south goal, it was puro Barcelona fans.
As game time approaches, things start to get interesting. Emelec fans light a noise maker which explodes in their area. You could tell when something was going to be lit, because huge holes would open up in the fans and you could see concrete as people backed up from the device. Finally, the game begins! Fireworks go off. Emelec fans start lighting flares and shortly thereafter, yet unrelated I believe, there was a fire in the far south section, second tier. Things are getting crazy and sweet! Anytime anyone stood up in front, they had water or beer thrown on them and fans encouraged the cops to send them away. So much activity happening in the crowd that it would have been easy to miss the game. But things settled down at times, to the point that the four police officers in our section bought ice creams and were eating them in the corner, and one had a Sprite in his gun holster. Imagine the stereotypical cop eating a donought...that is all I could think about. haha.
But while it was calm in our section, it was dangerous in others. On the south side, second tier there was a substantial fight to the point that maybe 15 cops and military had to sit in the middle. The worst part though, was the flares that were shot from one teams section to another. You would hear the swoosh of a rocket and searched for the flare, or catch the smoke trail and follow it quickly to find its target. One Barcelona flare landed in an Emelec box, funny from afar. But later, and this was the tragic part of the game, the Emelec section shot a flare across the field in to a Barcelona box seat, striking an 11 year old child in the chest. Unfotunately and sadly the child died upon arriving at the hospital. We actually did not find out about it until we got home later that night. And again, question arise about justice in life and tragedy and how barbaric and intoxicated with passion and rage people can become. Especially here, it is not just a love for soccer people exert at a game...but its much more and easily related to any joy or frustration a person feels in their normal day to day life. Soccer games are a release of all emotion.
The game ended 1-0 Emelec the victors, and we headed home, arriving safely, only with beer and water on us and a little wiser and how things can be down here. Overall, it was a fun experience which has caused good reflection. Which leads me to another piece that I have been thinking of, and I will try to make this quick so as not to bore.
I reflect a lot here. Partly because of what I am involved in I believe but more so because I expect to. It is hard to relate life and even cities here to in the States because I am not familiar with ¨poverty¨ in the States. Of course it exists, but I choose to or by chance, do not interact with it. Therefore it is hard for me at this point to aknowledge one´s generosity, in a hosue I would consider ¨poor¨as something driven by culture, faith or humanity. I recognize above all that poverty is not material, but more about opportunity and accesibilty. Since I have young I have had a perception of poverty, but it was been limiting and thus I need to change my perspective a little bit. I aslo realize (after a conversation I had last week) that those I might consider ¨poor,¨ here consider themselves middle class. But here I am continually offered food, people giving of the little they have we will say, and I just have not experienced that in the States. And if and when I have, I have not noticed it. I am not looking for it consciously or subconsciously in the States. Of course it exists but my passions have never taken my there. And too, I am sure pieces of what I experience here are culturally influenced, but I want to believe it is something universal too. At this point, I am not sure what all that means, but I feel part of the thought has been brought on by the existentialist within me.
I hesitate to share specific stories for the fear of putting too much meaning into them. That is the existentialist wrestling with the piece in me that belives in meaning and interconnectedness and purpose. But I have always been one to be able to connect things and universalize them, to show that love and joy are transcedent of time, history and culture. Partly because I believe in a God that created the opportunity for the same love and joy to be experienced today that was experienced at the begining of mankind. It is one of the reason I think God made nature so beautiful and the stars cover the earth. Hills in Ecuador could be similar to those in Italy or some other nation and still inspire similiar joys and awes in people who might very well never meet. Regardless, there are beautiful things happening everyday, everywhere. Despite the pain and hurt that exists, and mans perpetuation of suffering by deny others love, I believe good things happen. We have to look for them, but not force them.
And this leads me to another piece. At this point in my life, I cannot ¨give up¨ everything to make the world more just and true. For example, I enjoying going out, I enjoying spending money for a soccer game, and I am genuinely filled by them on different levels at this point. At the same time, it doesn´t mean that I am not hurt when after going to a soccer game I see a homeless man laying on carboard on a street. And I think, if I am not going to do something big (in part because I can´t right now, but also because I just don´t know how to affect and change the ¨system¨) what can I do? And I guess it is ¨small¨ things which are rooted in love. Conversation and dignity given to someone by looking them in the eye and not turning away. And while not making others dependent on you, I am going to try and remember to have extra change on me for food, or food itself, in the event I cross paths with someone in hunger or need. We will see, I am learning everyday that I choose to be open, and am trying not to burn out while loving and understanding why it is that fellow friends I have not met hurt so much and things are going well for me. I believe suffering to be rooted in people, and its cause rooted in a lack of faith, but I just don´t know if it will ever make full sense in this lifetime...
Despite the heavy thoughts, things are good. It is easy to feel uncomfortable here because we get a lot of special treatment from locals. We are invited to farms and are hugged by kids everywhere. But kids are not running up to fellow Ecuadorians for hugs or being invited by neighbors to their farms. Not that I have seen anyway. Patrick and I have spoken of this a little. But it would be nice to see a hospitality shared to all people regardless of culture. Of course, chances are I will never see a purly Ecuadorian encounter because unless I am spying, I will be visible and an influence on the interaction. Not to say it is not pure and genuine, but it is unique when there is someone from out of town in the room.
And so I sign off writing far more than I would have hoped because I know these things can get tiring to read. But for what it is worth, I still believe, today anyway, that things are connected, have meaning and are of importance. And it is just as the Little Prince ends...what does it matter if the sheep ate the rose? It could mean nothing, and it could mean everything....for the Little Prince and for me too, today its everything.
Peace and love amigos!
This past weekend I participated in a few very exciting activities. First, Saturday morning I traveled with Scott to downtown Guayaquil to check out some music stores. Later that evening Scott, Patrick, Eric and I went to our director´s house to watch some college football and eat some pizza at his new apartment. It was a nice rest, but later that night I went out to a club with some friends from my neighborhood and had a blast. Those however, were just the warm up.
Sunday, I went to a soccer game. And not just any soccer game for those who live in and near Guayaquil. I went to the ¨superclasico¨ between Barcelona and Emelec, at Barcelona´s stadium. Both teams are from Guayaquil, and before the game, Barcelona was in first place, two points behind Emelec, and so an Emelec win would put them in first. To give you an idea of how much money this game makes everytime it is played, read this: All Ecuador soccer league games are shown on basic cable TV except for this game. Homes have to purchase this game as if it were pay-per-view, everytime. On basic cable, they show the players warming up and then as the game is being played, the camera pans the stadium and fans as the announcers speaks so you can´t watch without purchasing. Either way, it is set up to be big everytime. But, now for the craziness of the day!
To start, I am ok, and nothing major happened to me or Scott whom I went to the game with. So, Barcelona is in yellow and Emelec in blue. We take a bus from the terminal in Guayaquil that had a lot of Barcelona fans on it. We were told the bus took you a number of blocks from the stadium, which you then had to walk because the streets were blocked off. So we are on the bus, mostly yellow and some Emelec fans come on too, everynow and then. As we get closer to the stadium, but still far away, some of the Emelec fans in blue shirts left the bus, running to catch up with other blue shirted fans. I was thinking ¨man these kids are in a hurry¨ Finally, at a corner all the Barcelona fans get off the bus, and Scott and I, not really knowing what we were doing and without tickets purchased at this point, got off with them as we thought it was a smart way to find the stadium. When the Barcelona fans got off they too started to job. But it was jogging that lasted 8 seconds at a time with 3 second breaks, it was ridiculous an funny. It was as if they could not make up their mind.
Shortly after we got off the bus, we started to cross a bridge. By the top of the bridge, Scott and I were near the front of the crowd, and to our left, maybe seven blocks away we could see the stadium. As we headed down the second half of the bridge, an overpass became visible at the end of our bridge. Underneath the overpass were a few police officers and some Barcelona fans who were backing up in our direction. On top of the overpass were THOUSANDS of Emelec fans in blue. And they were not just chanting and singing, they were throwing rocks and at one point and explosive device at us. It was amazing! The police were baking us up a fourth of the bridge and stopped traffic under the overpass as Emelec fans gathered above, with a line of cops at the front. Apparently at Barcelona´s stadium, the vistor enterance crosses the Barcelona enterence. So Barcelona fans enter first, then Emelec in a huge, violent parade, and then Barcelona fans again. As it were, we were in the front of the second Barcelona batch.
As the crowd behind us grew bigger and more visibly yellow, (we were wearing white) the Emelec parade passed by. When it was safe, a line of police escorted us, riot-style sans the intense gear, under the overpass and towards the stadium. Every now and then the police would stop to keep good space between the two ¨barras¨(groups of fans). The entire time of course, people from both sides were yelling the many obsenities one hears at a sporting event, especially at a Latin American soccer match. Finally, we were at the stadium, police in front of us, and we found a guy selling tickets outside the stadium (apparently that is how it is down here) and got seats for behind one of the goals.
In most stadiums, the craziest events happen behind the goal on the first tier. Each goal typically is reserved for one team. However, in this stadium, the area behind both goals is for Barcelona. And a half section on one side of the field was for Emelec fans. This is how it was from my and Scott´s perspective. We sat behind the north goal, second tier, fourth row, right side. The lateral piece on our right was general audiences. The lateral piece on our left was were Emelec fans were, and on the far side of that lateral piece was Barcelona fans, with police in between. On the top of both lateral side were boxed seating. At the far south goal, it was puro Barcelona fans.
As game time approaches, things start to get interesting. Emelec fans light a noise maker which explodes in their area. You could tell when something was going to be lit, because huge holes would open up in the fans and you could see concrete as people backed up from the device. Finally, the game begins! Fireworks go off. Emelec fans start lighting flares and shortly thereafter, yet unrelated I believe, there was a fire in the far south section, second tier. Things are getting crazy and sweet! Anytime anyone stood up in front, they had water or beer thrown on them and fans encouraged the cops to send them away. So much activity happening in the crowd that it would have been easy to miss the game. But things settled down at times, to the point that the four police officers in our section bought ice creams and were eating them in the corner, and one had a Sprite in his gun holster. Imagine the stereotypical cop eating a donought...that is all I could think about. haha.
But while it was calm in our section, it was dangerous in others. On the south side, second tier there was a substantial fight to the point that maybe 15 cops and military had to sit in the middle. The worst part though, was the flares that were shot from one teams section to another. You would hear the swoosh of a rocket and searched for the flare, or catch the smoke trail and follow it quickly to find its target. One Barcelona flare landed in an Emelec box, funny from afar. But later, and this was the tragic part of the game, the Emelec section shot a flare across the field in to a Barcelona box seat, striking an 11 year old child in the chest. Unfotunately and sadly the child died upon arriving at the hospital. We actually did not find out about it until we got home later that night. And again, question arise about justice in life and tragedy and how barbaric and intoxicated with passion and rage people can become. Especially here, it is not just a love for soccer people exert at a game...but its much more and easily related to any joy or frustration a person feels in their normal day to day life. Soccer games are a release of all emotion.
The game ended 1-0 Emelec the victors, and we headed home, arriving safely, only with beer and water on us and a little wiser and how things can be down here. Overall, it was a fun experience which has caused good reflection. Which leads me to another piece that I have been thinking of, and I will try to make this quick so as not to bore.
I reflect a lot here. Partly because of what I am involved in I believe but more so because I expect to. It is hard to relate life and even cities here to in the States because I am not familiar with ¨poverty¨ in the States. Of course it exists, but I choose to or by chance, do not interact with it. Therefore it is hard for me at this point to aknowledge one´s generosity, in a hosue I would consider ¨poor¨as something driven by culture, faith or humanity. I recognize above all that poverty is not material, but more about opportunity and accesibilty. Since I have young I have had a perception of poverty, but it was been limiting and thus I need to change my perspective a little bit. I aslo realize (after a conversation I had last week) that those I might consider ¨poor,¨ here consider themselves middle class. But here I am continually offered food, people giving of the little they have we will say, and I just have not experienced that in the States. And if and when I have, I have not noticed it. I am not looking for it consciously or subconsciously in the States. Of course it exists but my passions have never taken my there. And too, I am sure pieces of what I experience here are culturally influenced, but I want to believe it is something universal too. At this point, I am not sure what all that means, but I feel part of the thought has been brought on by the existentialist within me.
I hesitate to share specific stories for the fear of putting too much meaning into them. That is the existentialist wrestling with the piece in me that belives in meaning and interconnectedness and purpose. But I have always been one to be able to connect things and universalize them, to show that love and joy are transcedent of time, history and culture. Partly because I believe in a God that created the opportunity for the same love and joy to be experienced today that was experienced at the begining of mankind. It is one of the reason I think God made nature so beautiful and the stars cover the earth. Hills in Ecuador could be similar to those in Italy or some other nation and still inspire similiar joys and awes in people who might very well never meet. Regardless, there are beautiful things happening everyday, everywhere. Despite the pain and hurt that exists, and mans perpetuation of suffering by deny others love, I believe good things happen. We have to look for them, but not force them.
And this leads me to another piece. At this point in my life, I cannot ¨give up¨ everything to make the world more just and true. For example, I enjoying going out, I enjoying spending money for a soccer game, and I am genuinely filled by them on different levels at this point. At the same time, it doesn´t mean that I am not hurt when after going to a soccer game I see a homeless man laying on carboard on a street. And I think, if I am not going to do something big (in part because I can´t right now, but also because I just don´t know how to affect and change the ¨system¨) what can I do? And I guess it is ¨small¨ things which are rooted in love. Conversation and dignity given to someone by looking them in the eye and not turning away. And while not making others dependent on you, I am going to try and remember to have extra change on me for food, or food itself, in the event I cross paths with someone in hunger or need. We will see, I am learning everyday that I choose to be open, and am trying not to burn out while loving and understanding why it is that fellow friends I have not met hurt so much and things are going well for me. I believe suffering to be rooted in people, and its cause rooted in a lack of faith, but I just don´t know if it will ever make full sense in this lifetime...
Despite the heavy thoughts, things are good. It is easy to feel uncomfortable here because we get a lot of special treatment from locals. We are invited to farms and are hugged by kids everywhere. But kids are not running up to fellow Ecuadorians for hugs or being invited by neighbors to their farms. Not that I have seen anyway. Patrick and I have spoken of this a little. But it would be nice to see a hospitality shared to all people regardless of culture. Of course, chances are I will never see a purly Ecuadorian encounter because unless I am spying, I will be visible and an influence on the interaction. Not to say it is not pure and genuine, but it is unique when there is someone from out of town in the room.
And so I sign off writing far more than I would have hoped because I know these things can get tiring to read. But for what it is worth, I still believe, today anyway, that things are connected, have meaning and are of importance. And it is just as the Little Prince ends...what does it matter if the sheep ate the rose? It could mean nothing, and it could mean everything....for the Little Prince and for me too, today its everything.
Peace and love amigos!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Santiago Ate Guinea Pig!
Hello friends, how are you? Thank you for reading and sorry it took a while to write again. Things in Ecuador have been going well and I am finally truly finding a groove here. I am still waking at 7 for morning prayer with my other six community members and getting to bed at a decent hour at the end of the day. But! enough small talk, let´s enlarge the conversation!
The weekend of September 1 and 2 I went with Patrick, Scott and Jessie to our friend Ararcely´s house in the mountains. Aracely is one of two Ecuadorians who work with Rostro as guides during retreat groups. Ara is 21 now and spends most of her time in our community of Arbolito. So the five of us set out on Friday night to her home in the hills of the province of Tungurahua. Her family´s town, Pilco, is near Mocha, which is close to the capital of Ambato.
We left Friday at 10:45pm and bought a one way six hour bus fare for $6. At about 4:30am we were dropped off on the base of a hill. From there we walked about a half hour up a rock road to get to her home, and at 5am, work her family. It was great. And FREEZING! We were close to 9,000ft above sea level, as opposed to here in Arbolito where we are at 15 feet. Haha anyway, we had a great weekend.
Five of us slept for 2 hours in two beds. We woke up and took the car farther up the hill to milk cows which was sweet. We had a little taste too, and let me tell you, it is much warmer when it comes right out of the cow. The rest of the morning we spent eating breakfast and preparing lunch. The menu: potatos and guinea pig!
Yes, guinea pig. The dish is a delicacy for the indigenous of Ecuador in the mountains...and so we bought live guinea pigs and yes, killed them (sorry if that upsets you, if you want to know how I did it, let me know and I´ll email you) then skinned them, gut them and grilled them. They were declicious! Somewhat like chicken but saltier. So we had a great lunch, when walking through the foggy mountainside, played a little volleyball and then got dinner ready. We ate and were in bed by 8pm asleep by 10pm.
Sunday then was a great day too. We woke up and had cheese empanadas, pretty much bread fold over itself and filled with cheese and then prepared to climb a huge mountain which had a cross on the top. The story goes that there was a cross placed on this mountain, decades ago, about 10,000ft about sealevel, near a lake. But when people went to visit it, they would drown in the lake. THe locals said it was controled by a bad spirit, others just thought people didn´t know how to swim. Anyway, early in Pope JP IIs time, he along with a large group of priests from the US and Ecuador moved the cross farther up the mountain, to the crest. So we treked a similar root through the deep fog and brush (because of the fog you just couldn´t see much around the mountainside) and found the cross, which had a windmill attached to it...but it was more like a pinwheel. Anyway, it was incredibly beautiful. The ground was moist and sponging, like walking on a moon walk but more firm and it last 2 hours uphill, just wonderful. It was all very green and very serene.
We made our way home, then to the bus terminal, an hour away, and headed home, arriving just after midnight. It was a great weekend which lead to a fantastic week. I made more friends here in the neighborhood and ate some sausage and french fries off a street vendor and still feel great. I have been quite fortunate with my health thus far and have not been sick for more than a day in the six weeks I have been here.
That is about it from this neck of the woods, because I have to get going but three more thigns. They have these reverse tricycles here, with two wheels in the front, connected by a plank of wood, used to transport propane tanks, water, appliances or kids. I drove one the other day and while it was hard to manuever, it was cool. Also, two of our guards, who live near the house, next door actually, are both building second floors to the cement homes. I have been helping them a little bit every now and then and it is sweet! I now know how to make a cement floor and support beams. And finally, just three years ago Ecuador was rated as the most corrupt nation in the world...who knew. I am still learning.
Ok amigos, i am sending my love and peace. Thanks for reading, and for your love and prayers!
Santi
The weekend of September 1 and 2 I went with Patrick, Scott and Jessie to our friend Ararcely´s house in the mountains. Aracely is one of two Ecuadorians who work with Rostro as guides during retreat groups. Ara is 21 now and spends most of her time in our community of Arbolito. So the five of us set out on Friday night to her home in the hills of the province of Tungurahua. Her family´s town, Pilco, is near Mocha, which is close to the capital of Ambato.
We left Friday at 10:45pm and bought a one way six hour bus fare for $6. At about 4:30am we were dropped off on the base of a hill. From there we walked about a half hour up a rock road to get to her home, and at 5am, work her family. It was great. And FREEZING! We were close to 9,000ft above sea level, as opposed to here in Arbolito where we are at 15 feet. Haha anyway, we had a great weekend.
Five of us slept for 2 hours in two beds. We woke up and took the car farther up the hill to milk cows which was sweet. We had a little taste too, and let me tell you, it is much warmer when it comes right out of the cow. The rest of the morning we spent eating breakfast and preparing lunch. The menu: potatos and guinea pig!
Yes, guinea pig. The dish is a delicacy for the indigenous of Ecuador in the mountains...and so we bought live guinea pigs and yes, killed them (sorry if that upsets you, if you want to know how I did it, let me know and I´ll email you) then skinned them, gut them and grilled them. They were declicious! Somewhat like chicken but saltier. So we had a great lunch, when walking through the foggy mountainside, played a little volleyball and then got dinner ready. We ate and were in bed by 8pm asleep by 10pm.
Sunday then was a great day too. We woke up and had cheese empanadas, pretty much bread fold over itself and filled with cheese and then prepared to climb a huge mountain which had a cross on the top. The story goes that there was a cross placed on this mountain, decades ago, about 10,000ft about sealevel, near a lake. But when people went to visit it, they would drown in the lake. THe locals said it was controled by a bad spirit, others just thought people didn´t know how to swim. Anyway, early in Pope JP IIs time, he along with a large group of priests from the US and Ecuador moved the cross farther up the mountain, to the crest. So we treked a similar root through the deep fog and brush (because of the fog you just couldn´t see much around the mountainside) and found the cross, which had a windmill attached to it...but it was more like a pinwheel. Anyway, it was incredibly beautiful. The ground was moist and sponging, like walking on a moon walk but more firm and it last 2 hours uphill, just wonderful. It was all very green and very serene.
We made our way home, then to the bus terminal, an hour away, and headed home, arriving just after midnight. It was a great weekend which lead to a fantastic week. I made more friends here in the neighborhood and ate some sausage and french fries off a street vendor and still feel great. I have been quite fortunate with my health thus far and have not been sick for more than a day in the six weeks I have been here.
That is about it from this neck of the woods, because I have to get going but three more thigns. They have these reverse tricycles here, with two wheels in the front, connected by a plank of wood, used to transport propane tanks, water, appliances or kids. I drove one the other day and while it was hard to manuever, it was cool. Also, two of our guards, who live near the house, next door actually, are both building second floors to the cement homes. I have been helping them a little bit every now and then and it is sweet! I now know how to make a cement floor and support beams. And finally, just three years ago Ecuador was rated as the most corrupt nation in the world...who knew. I am still learning.
Ok amigos, i am sending my love and peace. Thanks for reading, and for your love and prayers!
Santi
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Entry Uno!
Hey friends, how are you? I hope all is well...check it out, I will try to make this as visually pleasing as possible so that you might read it.
Duran, Ecuador is on the equator, hence the name. Being on the equator, the temperature is constantly hot. Were talking 90-97 degrees during the day usually. However, this is the cool season, and so the mornings are overcast and actually many days are too. The nights are cool, around 70 degrees and there is usually a breeze. Quite nice in fact.
But lets dive in with a little about the program. Rostro de Cristo has 12 volunteers this year, with my self included. Five live in a town called Antonio Jose de Sucre and myself and six others live in a town called Arbolito. The two houses are about a mile and a half away from each other. The kids in my house are Scott (St. Louis), Patrick (Birmingham), Nate (Cincinnati), Marie (Portsmith, VA), Christine (North of Chicago) and Andrea (Houston). The other house has Frank from Cali, Dan from Penn, Erik from Jacksonville, Vicki from Kansas (she went to highschool with Becky Comacho) and Jessie from Washington the state. Each house does a lot on their own, but we meet up as a big community atleast once if not twice a week.
In my house, we clean on Sundays, have a house meeting on Monday nights, have a community night on Tuesday night and have a spirituality night on Thursday nights. We go to mass here in Arbolito at 830 each Sunday morning and have morning prayer together every morning at 7am during the work week. ( we are on central time). During the day I work with Christine at Hogar de Cristo in the micro-lending divions. So far from, 830-1230 we walk around Duran and find out why women haven´t paid their weekly debts for the loans they take out. We don´t do much yet, but we are still learning. The program itself is interesting because they only lend to women who make groups of 10-12 of themselves. They thought is, women are the head of the household and group lending helps with accountability. They loans start at $60 and over time can reach $450 per four months which the women pay back weekly, without interest, although there is a processing fee per amount that is lent.
I come home in the afternoons and go to Semillas de Mostaza which is an afterschool program Patrick, Christine and I work at from 3-5 everyday. We use the space of a school two blocks away from our house which has a SWEET concrete soccer field, complete with roof and stair-stadium-esque seats. Everyday we average between 30-60 kids aged from 3-14. The first hour they do homework or an activity that we have planned. At four, they get a half hour of recess, which usually means soccer for me and many kids. Then at 430 we bring the kids together and talk to them briefly about one of seven weekly pillars which act as themes for our program and the other two programs Rostro volunteers work on in the afternoons. This week we are talking about trust. Then we all pray and give the kids a piece of bread, a banana and a cup of water. The food is not a crutch for the childrend but still good.
The nights are free, minus the meetings and we take turns cooking in pairs. I´ve already made a paella, cut a part most of a full chicken and am very good at making lentels. I also have made these amazing french fries my grandmother used to make me while I watched the Simpsons. I still haven´t seen the movie, but I´m looking forward to it. We shower navy style, turning on the water to soak, turn off the water, soap up, turn on the water to rinse. Water is hard to come by here, and we are lucky because we have a huge cistern whereas our neighbors have barrels filled every four days or so, so we try and conserve. We also dont flugh unless it really needs it, or if its brown...but we keep the house smelling nice. What else....
Prices! Beer here is about 60 cents a bottle, potates are 15 cents a pound. I bought seven bananas today for 20 cents, bread is a nickel a piece....a three liter of coca cola is 1.30, bootleg movies are a dollar, toothpaste is .50-1.00, chicken is about 1.20 a pound, eggs are a dime each and the internet is like 70 cents an hour. We each get $60 a month for our personal needs, including bus fare which ranges from .18-.25 and our house gets $70 a week for food. A pretty healhty amount. We eat a log of vegetables, rice, beans, and fruit. Tuna and chicken are the principle meats but we eat a lot of eggs.
Soccer: They play differently here, it is small concrete fields and a small ball, like a size 2 and its called futbolito.You play five plus a goalie, and it leads to a lot of one on one interaction. I think I am improving. I still have desires to play professionally and am training with Patrick and Scott. Also, a friend of mine here in Duran just made one of the two top teams in Guayaquil (the largest city in Ecuador, which borders Duran) so there will be conversations with him.
Ok, just about done, but a little bit about the poverty here. Arbolito, and really all of Duran is poor. Very poor. There is garbage just about everywher, and i´m pretty sure the number of stray dogs I see each day nears 45. I will speak though, mostly of Arbolito. Most of the roads are dirt and the vast majority of houses are made of cane. Average land a family has is about 10 by 20 meters, and so houses are smaller than that. Usually fitting 4-6 people, but of course some houses are bigger. Many cane houses are built on cane stilts. Arbolito is about seven years old and was built on a swamp, so during the rainy season, from January to April, most things flood. They say it is dangerous here, but not so much in our sector. In any event, we have a gate around our concrete mansion (compared to the neighbors) an armed guard and two dobiermen rotwillers. The dogs are mostly playful though. It is hard to go a day withot seeing trash burn or noticing the dire conditions most people live in. I know that is not too much in detail, but if you can, just imagine dirt, rock, bamboo cane houses and garbaged everywhere. There is very little green vegetation in this area, but a lot of chickens picking through the rocks for food.
When I got here, a friend of mine who studied in El Salvador the semester before me explained how the two countries are different in terms of their poverty. He told me, poverty in El Salvador is sexy, because there was a huge war that impacted everyone and there are visible reasons as to why the country is suffereing and in parts deteriorating. Here however, there is no sexiness. Poverty has always existed to a great degree and the culprit is simple corruption, a little more difficult for the poor to rally around and create a change. But the people in Arbolito still get things done and are hopeful. People in this country don´t typicaly make money to move away from where they are, but rather they invest in where they live so that it may grow in to something better for their children. For example, some of the cane houses here have turned to cement and some even have a second story being built on them, so it is interesting to say the least. I will learn more as the days go.
Ok, so that is it, sorry if some of it didn´t make sense, I just wanted to give you a base so that when I refere to something here you know what I am talking about. I hope all is well and I am sending my love and peace! Chau!
Duran, Ecuador is on the equator, hence the name. Being on the equator, the temperature is constantly hot. Were talking 90-97 degrees during the day usually. However, this is the cool season, and so the mornings are overcast and actually many days are too. The nights are cool, around 70 degrees and there is usually a breeze. Quite nice in fact.
But lets dive in with a little about the program. Rostro de Cristo has 12 volunteers this year, with my self included. Five live in a town called Antonio Jose de Sucre and myself and six others live in a town called Arbolito. The two houses are about a mile and a half away from each other. The kids in my house are Scott (St. Louis), Patrick (Birmingham), Nate (Cincinnati), Marie (Portsmith, VA), Christine (North of Chicago) and Andrea (Houston). The other house has Frank from Cali, Dan from Penn, Erik from Jacksonville, Vicki from Kansas (she went to highschool with Becky Comacho) and Jessie from Washington the state. Each house does a lot on their own, but we meet up as a big community atleast once if not twice a week.
In my house, we clean on Sundays, have a house meeting on Monday nights, have a community night on Tuesday night and have a spirituality night on Thursday nights. We go to mass here in Arbolito at 830 each Sunday morning and have morning prayer together every morning at 7am during the work week. ( we are on central time). During the day I work with Christine at Hogar de Cristo in the micro-lending divions. So far from, 830-1230 we walk around Duran and find out why women haven´t paid their weekly debts for the loans they take out. We don´t do much yet, but we are still learning. The program itself is interesting because they only lend to women who make groups of 10-12 of themselves. They thought is, women are the head of the household and group lending helps with accountability. They loans start at $60 and over time can reach $450 per four months which the women pay back weekly, without interest, although there is a processing fee per amount that is lent.
I come home in the afternoons and go to Semillas de Mostaza which is an afterschool program Patrick, Christine and I work at from 3-5 everyday. We use the space of a school two blocks away from our house which has a SWEET concrete soccer field, complete with roof and stair-stadium-esque seats. Everyday we average between 30-60 kids aged from 3-14. The first hour they do homework or an activity that we have planned. At four, they get a half hour of recess, which usually means soccer for me and many kids. Then at 430 we bring the kids together and talk to them briefly about one of seven weekly pillars which act as themes for our program and the other two programs Rostro volunteers work on in the afternoons. This week we are talking about trust. Then we all pray and give the kids a piece of bread, a banana and a cup of water. The food is not a crutch for the childrend but still good.
The nights are free, minus the meetings and we take turns cooking in pairs. I´ve already made a paella, cut a part most of a full chicken and am very good at making lentels. I also have made these amazing french fries my grandmother used to make me while I watched the Simpsons. I still haven´t seen the movie, but I´m looking forward to it. We shower navy style, turning on the water to soak, turn off the water, soap up, turn on the water to rinse. Water is hard to come by here, and we are lucky because we have a huge cistern whereas our neighbors have barrels filled every four days or so, so we try and conserve. We also dont flugh unless it really needs it, or if its brown...but we keep the house smelling nice. What else....
Prices! Beer here is about 60 cents a bottle, potates are 15 cents a pound. I bought seven bananas today for 20 cents, bread is a nickel a piece....a three liter of coca cola is 1.30, bootleg movies are a dollar, toothpaste is .50-1.00, chicken is about 1.20 a pound, eggs are a dime each and the internet is like 70 cents an hour. We each get $60 a month for our personal needs, including bus fare which ranges from .18-.25 and our house gets $70 a week for food. A pretty healhty amount. We eat a log of vegetables, rice, beans, and fruit. Tuna and chicken are the principle meats but we eat a lot of eggs.
Soccer: They play differently here, it is small concrete fields and a small ball, like a size 2 and its called futbolito.You play five plus a goalie, and it leads to a lot of one on one interaction. I think I am improving. I still have desires to play professionally and am training with Patrick and Scott. Also, a friend of mine here in Duran just made one of the two top teams in Guayaquil (the largest city in Ecuador, which borders Duran) so there will be conversations with him.
Ok, just about done, but a little bit about the poverty here. Arbolito, and really all of Duran is poor. Very poor. There is garbage just about everywher, and i´m pretty sure the number of stray dogs I see each day nears 45. I will speak though, mostly of Arbolito. Most of the roads are dirt and the vast majority of houses are made of cane. Average land a family has is about 10 by 20 meters, and so houses are smaller than that. Usually fitting 4-6 people, but of course some houses are bigger. Many cane houses are built on cane stilts. Arbolito is about seven years old and was built on a swamp, so during the rainy season, from January to April, most things flood. They say it is dangerous here, but not so much in our sector. In any event, we have a gate around our concrete mansion (compared to the neighbors) an armed guard and two dobiermen rotwillers. The dogs are mostly playful though. It is hard to go a day withot seeing trash burn or noticing the dire conditions most people live in. I know that is not too much in detail, but if you can, just imagine dirt, rock, bamboo cane houses and garbaged everywhere. There is very little green vegetation in this area, but a lot of chickens picking through the rocks for food.
When I got here, a friend of mine who studied in El Salvador the semester before me explained how the two countries are different in terms of their poverty. He told me, poverty in El Salvador is sexy, because there was a huge war that impacted everyone and there are visible reasons as to why the country is suffereing and in parts deteriorating. Here however, there is no sexiness. Poverty has always existed to a great degree and the culprit is simple corruption, a little more difficult for the poor to rally around and create a change. But the people in Arbolito still get things done and are hopeful. People in this country don´t typicaly make money to move away from where they are, but rather they invest in where they live so that it may grow in to something better for their children. For example, some of the cane houses here have turned to cement and some even have a second story being built on them, so it is interesting to say the least. I will learn more as the days go.
Ok, so that is it, sorry if some of it didn´t make sense, I just wanted to give you a base so that when I refere to something here you know what I am talking about. I hope all is well and I am sending my love and peace! Chau!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Ecuador is going to War with Peru!
Just kidding, but now that I have your attention I can tell you that Ecuador is going to war with Colombia....no, they aren´t....but I wanted to say hi so....
Hi friends, this is my blog. I just made it. It will be a week or so till i write in it, but trust me it will be sweet.
Paz!
Hi friends, this is my blog. I just made it. It will be a week or so till i write in it, but trust me it will be sweet.
Paz!
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